finally...

I FINALLY broke 143. I have been up to 145 then 143 and back for DAYS now...and it has been SO frustrating to say the least. I finally did it though and got to 142! The cursed 143 will NO LONGER haunt me when I get on the scale.

Today marks the day that I've lost 30 lbs since April and 50 lbs since mr. man was born. We celebrated his 1st birthday Saturday so it took me a year and a few days to lose 50 lbs. That is so long but it was SO HARD for me. Granted I did not get serious about losing weight until the beginning of April, so I basically wasted 7 months being depressed about my weight rather than getting up and doing something about it!

I'm not going to sugar coat it though because it was not easy. When you're depressed about your weight it is the HARDEST thing to motivate yourself! I was talking to the hubby the other day about how hard it was for me to actually want to try to lose weight. He thinks that if you're depressed about your weight that you should just get up and do something about it. Now he does have a point and it should be that simple and well it is, but when you are depressed it is just so hard to want to do anything for yourself. I know when I was depressed I had lost all motivation and I would have days where I would just hate on myself and cry out of frustration. I tried cleansing, cutting calories and I never stuck with anything. I just lacked the motivation to push through the times when it got hard.

Well one day back in January probably while we were living at our oh so depressing old apartment(that living situation would make anyone upset lol), my wonderful hubby came home with two VIP memberships to Golds Gym. They had a fun play room for the kids so we could go workout together :)! I was so excited and also a little intimidated because there are a lot of people at the gym and I am embarrassed to say I just didn't want anyone seeing me. SO when we first started going I would go into the women's only area which was nice. I didn't feel like everyone was staring at me and that was HUGE since I was SO self conscious. Now I won't go into my day to day details about the gym but we would try to go every day. We then got sick for over a month thanks to sick kids in the gym daycare and I refused to take my kids back until we were all 100% better. Then in May we moved to a MUCH nicer place and I have to say that I have been SO much happier. Amazing how your surroundings can affect you, I mean I should've just made the best of what we had but like everyone I had my good days and my bad days. Ever since we moved things have just seemed to fall into place. I started out with running in the clubhouse on the treadmill and now I LOVE running outside. I love the area we are in and for the first time in a LONG time I feel like everything is on the up and up :). I know our kids are happier with where we are and that is the MOST important thing to me. I've been a happier mom and I know they can tell. I feel so guilty looking back at how I was, not wanting to do much and being so sad all the time. It was not fair to them and I will forever have to live with the memories of when mommy didn't want to go out and play. It breaks my heart just thinking about their sad little faces....but those days are GONE.

I SO wish I had made these changes earlier but I just have to look ahead and keep moving forward. We are a happy little family again like we were in AZ(oh how I miss AZ), we love Utah though and are so blessed to be able to live so close to family. Utah has so many wonderful things to offer and our favorite is driving through the canyon and getting out to explore. Our kids have grown to LOVE the outdoors and that makes me so incredibly happy. Being active together as a family is the BEST thing you can do, in my opinion anyway.

It's not always fun to look back on the past but is sure is fun to be here in the present :)! We are so blessed to be able to look forward to positive things that are waiting ahead of us.

Back to running soon soon SOON!